Confidence is not cockiness or judgment.
In order to be confident, you may think you need to feel better than others. This is not the case.
To have confidence within yourself, you don’t need to think you are perfect. I think true confidence comes from admitting you have areas that need improvement.
My biggest pet peeve is when “confidence” leads to judgement.
By definition, the term confidence means “the feeling or belief that one can rely on someone or something; firm trust.”
We have such trust in our own abilities, we then judge others who aren’t doing the same.
Rather than teaching, inspiring or learning from others, we cast judgement on others for “doing it wrong.”
Maybe I’m being judgy for judging the judger, but I have “firm trust” that it’s not right.
Mom judgement
At the stage of life I am in, parenting judgement and/or mom guilt is my best example.
Your child isn’t potty trained? You still sleep with your kid? You yelled at your kids in public?
Whether from fellow parents, family members or complete strangers, unsolicited advice and judgement can be extreme or as simple as the comments above.
Sometimes, it’s not what they say, but how it’s being said.
Most of the time, parents can brush it off. But sometimes, those words or judgements can hurt, especially if you are having a tough day.
Bad mom
I went to eat at a restaurant with my husband and daughter, Brooklyn. Brooklyn didn’t seem very hungry so she didn’t want to sit at the booth. She would rather walk around and try to interrupt other’s meals.
Finally, I gave in as Drake brought her back to our table for the fourth or fifth time. I took out my phone and put Blippi on. It gave us 10 minutes to finish our meals and leave.
Now, before I had kids and even in that moment, I felt like a bad mom. How could I let Brooklyn watch TV just to eat food? I need to have better control over her actions, right?
In some way, I agree. I could have fought her or took turns with Drake eating. There were other options for me.
But, if one stranger or family member would have scolded me for doing that, I would’ve been crushed. I already felt guilty.
Why add the extra judgement?
Judgement doesn’t help
Giving unsolicited advice or judgement to someone, only brings them down. It’s same as saying to someone, Are you really going to eat all that? Or, you didn’t even finish your plate?
Why are you commenting on someone’s hunger cues? Who does it benefit?
And judgement behind the scenes or behind someone’s back can be just as detrimental to your wellbeing.
You are stressed because of the way someone else is living their life. Unless it affects you directly and is negatively impacting your life, there’s no reason to judge.
It can be human nature to judge. We all have our own beliefs, morals, values and opinions. I stand firm with my belief that everyone is entitled to those.
The big difference for me comes when your opinion wasn’t asked for, or your opinion is used to hurt someone because of the way they are living their life.
So the next time you find yourself wanting to judge someone or give an opinion, ask yourself first - Is my judgment benefitting them or hurting them? Am I trying to help or just pointing out what I think is wrong?
It may not stop you from sharing your feelings, and I don’t want you to shy away from that, but it might change your approach to positively impact someone rather than just judge them.
Stay simply confident,
Kayla